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testimony - God’s continual protection  E-mail
Anonymous | 23 June 2014
The entire story shows bad choices I made and yet regardless,  God’s continual protection over me.
 
I gave my life to Jesus at 15 years old and from that moment I continued  my life as normal teenager, not understanding exactly the depth meaning behind becoming one of God’s children. For different reasons, I start making bad decision and I see now what God meant when he said “I will never leave you nor forsake you”
 
At 17 years old straight after matric, my brother (who was 19 at the time) and I, decided to go to USA, we had both worked through school and so bought our tickets and started our journey from New York to California. (we didn’t ask for permission, however we did tell my mom before we flew out that we were going and would look after each other)
After 3 months my brother had to get back to SA for university but I refused to leave and stayed.
I was alone with no contacts in California and so that is a whole other amazing story of how God was always with me, God’s protection was over me in an amazing way. I eventually stayed over 3 years before heading home, Some of the best, most dangerous years of my life, being so naïve.
 
I decided on my return, I wanted to live in Cape Town and so once again not easily but in retrospect miraculously, I managed to set myself up and I started in a gym and then in property with reputable estate agency.
I was a fitness fanatic, swam to Robben Island and even trained the Western Province cricket team twice a week doing fitness classes. I also managed to start making good money and so this prosperous (big fish in a little pond) life started, and my arrogance grew fast and furious.
However there was a part of myself that did not feel I belonged and although I was doing well, I wanted more adventure. I wanted  more, by now I was 23 years old.
 
One night at a business dinner in Camps Bay, I met an Italian Count . Within a month I had quit my job, given up everything and moved to Jhb with him and then eventually Italy, we travelled between Africa and Europe for 4 years.
Within one year, after being together and him introducing me to his wild dark decadent side,  I was a crack and heroin addict. We both were.
I prayed sometimes not with a clear mind but I begged God to not leave me or to let me die. I sometimes prayed with him in our most paranoid moments for protection.
I was living in a kind of worldly heaven and spiritual hell.
All the money in the world, yet scared and addicted chasing hits, seeing things in that underworld world that are truly parts of hell.
I clearly saw demons, they threaten to kill me.
I tried to overdose many times but kept waking up. (one overdose my father slept under my hospital bed, staying next to me for over 24 hours praying for my life).
At the age of 28 Sanca drug rehabilitation sent my father a letter saying there was no hope for me, he should just accept I was going to die and rather make a certain with it.
Many years later one of the nurses from Sanca bumped into my father and asked what happened to me, she cried and cried in disbelief of such a miracle.
No one could believe I was still alive.
By this time, the Italian’s parent separated us, He was sent to Betty Ford and I was sent home to my mom, who had no job and was living in a cottage behind some one’s home.
My mother’s lack of a job was mostly my fault, I was tearing her apart, she was emotional crashing as she watched me spiral down.
 
The fall from everything to nothing is hard and humiliating and so called friends in Cape Town gloated, disgusted.
I hid from everyone, from normal people, from the day. I was so ashamed and so desperate.
 
My mother never gave up on me either, she never stopped believing and praying.
Both my parents had prayer chains for going out continually for me.
 
My mother took me to Rhema once and I remember falling on my knees begging God to help me. (there was no lightening).
I had had a lot of jewellery and things worth money, that I could continue to sell and buy drugs with. God never takes us past a point of no return.
I never once stole or prostituted myself. God never let that happen to me.
However, I was till addicted and no longer had the Italian Counts money so:
 
I ended up in the Cape Flats with the drug gangs, in drug dens, I even spent time in townships where eventually they were scared of me or God’s hand over me and I was thrown out but the gang leaders, telling me that I didn’t belong there and no one would help me or sell to me.
 
I convinced a friend to fly me out to see them in LA, USA. Unfortunately he did not understand my addiction and gave me coke, within 2 days I left his home and moved on to the streets in Hollywood, I slept in apartments of people I happen to meet. Eventually hanging with a small group of guys, each of us with our own demons
.
One night I borrowed a car and  offered some black guys a lift. I was hijacked, beaten and raped and the car stolen.
When they released me, I remember running clothes torn traumatised down the streets in Hollywood and a youngish couple stopped me.
They were so gentle so kind, I literally fell into their arms, I felt safe although they were total strangers, I remember them giving a glass of milk to drink and some food, while we sat at their kitchen table, I can’t remember exactly what was said but they basically they just tried to reassure me I was going to be ok and I needed to calm down.
I left them and walked out with this amazing peace.
I tried to find them the next day, to thank them,( maybe to get more food).
 
I could never find that apartment or even apartment block again and no one knew this couple.
I now know it was angels and God calming me, protecting me, reassuring me he was still with me.
 
A couple days later, I don’t remember how or where, I met a young guy who after spending one evening with me, came to find me again the next day and told me he had bought me a air ticket home to Africa,  he drove me to the airport.
 
I have never been able to find him either, perhaps he was another angel sent by God to get me out asap.
 
Through it all I prayed for help but didn’t know how to help myself. I lived in fear and darkness ashamed scared.
 
Once back in SA, an old boss from the estate agency (whom I had worked for in Cpt) gave my mom money to put me into rehab.
Noupoort a famous rehab for abuse torture and beatings, most people there are sent by court. (another story for another day).
It was there I clung to God begging for a way out of the mess I created. I realised there that we all had choices and I had a choice to say no to drugs. life or death Duet 30 vs 19
 
After 2 months of being punished and humiliated, I decided to book myself out of the rehab.
 
I chose life and I decided if God was going to give me a 2nd chance I was going to make sure I made a great life.
The journey back with nothing but borrowed track suite pants, my brothers sweat shirt and 2nd hand takkies was not easy or fast (another story)
And slowly as I grew stronger, God slowly patiently convicted me in certain areas of my life, drawing me in, never leaving me always gentle and always blessing and opening doors for me.
 
Today I have company that is in its 15 year, I have a beautiful healthy daughter of 15 years old and fitness and training is a big part of my life again.
I never married and was only with my daughter’s father for a few weeks.
But I was lonely, struggling to stay clean and face the mess and rejection I created. God gave me a daughter for a reason to live again (another story)
 
It has been a long journey back with many mistakes still made but I’m now clean 17 years and God made sure that I have never ever had single day of craving since that day I chose life.
I continue to pray all the bad seeds out immediately and now crave more and more of God.
 
For the 1st time I realise God has a future for me there is hope and it may not be anything I ever dreamt but without God there is no life, there is only the walking dead.